How to Handle Judgement from Others
That dropping, sinking feeling in your belly when you feel judged by someone. You know what I mean?
Your heart sinks and you instantly start questioning your decisions.
Was I wrong to make that decision?
Am I the idiot who thought that would be the right approach?
That feeling is what we’re discussing today. I call it the ‘judgement ick’. The gross icky feeling that you get inside when you feel judged by someone you know.
Let me start by sharing a story of a time I’ve experienced this…
I’m a lover of fashion, always have been. When I was younger, I wanted to be a fashion designer. That said, I’ve always chosen clothes that others may say are a bit more ‘out there’ in style. Fluffy jackets. Bold colours. That kind of thing.
I used to own these blue baggy jeans. I loved them so much. They were designer, so I had saved up to buy them, which I think made me love them even more. Part of the reason I love them was because they were more of a ‘street’ style. They were drop crotch, and a harem style jean. I would say they were relatively unique. Not all of my friends would have worn them, but I loved them! And I always felt really confident wearing them. They made me feel great.
We went out one night, a group of friends, and I remember a friend of mine saying that they weren’t very flattering and made me look like MC Hammer. Straight to my face. He looks me in the eye and says ‘I don’t think you should wear those jeans again’.
My first thought was ‘who are you to tell me what I can and can’t wear’, but sadly that was quickly replaced with a feeling of embarrassment and questioning of myself.
Are my jeans ugly?
Do I look silly for wearing these jeans?
What are other people at this venue thinking of my clothing?
I started questioning my fashion choices.
Thankfully, this all happened towards the end of the night, so I wasn’t left out in public questioning myself for long.
We went home, and I had a solid night sleep that night. I woke up reflecting on how I had felt about this judgement from my friend, in the morning. Was their opinion something I was going to let influence my fashion choices and sense of integrity. Luckily for me, the answer was no. Their opinion, absolutely valid - they’re very entitled to have it, was not something I was going to take on board and let influence the way I choose to dress myself.
I backed myself.
I backed my ability to choose.
I realised that every single person has their own unique opinions. That’s what makes us unique. That’s what makes us interesting.
There is no such thing as right or wrong when it comes to people’s perspectives on things, it’s simply an opinion. And it’s theirs to own. Just as yours is yours to own.
My friend was allowed to have his perspective, but that didn’t mean it was the only perspective.
Thats the point I want to highlight to you right now.
Just because someone has a judgement towards something that you do, whether thats an action, a fashion choice, a values belief, or a use of language, whatever it may be just because they have that judgement, doesn’t mean it’s the only judgement that is allowed to exist.
You are entitled to own a conflicting perspective, and still be right.
You get to feel proud of your opinion.
Can you think of a time recently, or in the past, when you’ve felt judged by someone?
When you experience that sinking feeling of judgement I challenge you to consider what your genuine opinion is. In regards to that memory, what was it that you truly wanted in the moment? If you felt like your perspective was still valid, and your thoughts were still justified, or your jeans were still fashionable, then own it. Don’t let someone else’s judgement dictate your ability to decide.
When you allow yourself to feel judged by the other person, you’re giving their opinion more importance than your own. You’re under valuing your right to have a different perspective. YOU DESERVE AN OPINION.
This is the thing, you’re able to have different perspectives to the people you associate with. Why is their opinion more important than yours? You are allowed to be unique. You are allowed to have a perspective.
High school or the teenage experience may tell you otherwise, but you’re no longer a teenager. You’re now a fully grown adult who gets to make your own decisions.
So make them.
Back yourself.
Be proud of the different perspective you have to the situation.
I promise, the more you can empower your right to have an opinion, the quicker your confidence will grow.
If you’re wanting some assistance with growing conviction in your decision making, then book a 1:1 call with me. All private 1hr long coaching calls are available for $198 for June only.
